AI gives a sense of pushing us to do more, faster, and better. ChatGPT writes emails, algorithms curate feeds, and apps optimise schedules. While this can be genuinely helpful at times, sometimes if feels like we are so focused on what AI can do for our productivity that we're not asking what it might be doing to our well-being. Being hyper-optimized for efficiency is great until you find yourself feeling like a burnt-out shell of a human.

I recently attended a conference on AI and the Future of Wellbeing through the International Positive Psychology Association. Below are some key takeaways on staying psychologically healthy while using AI in daily life.

• Keep the ability to do hard things

This might sound strange coming from someone who uses AI regularly, but we need discomfort to grow. Struggle builds resilience. Challenge develops competence and friction creates learning and ideas. If we rely on AI to eliminate every difficulty, every uncomfortable moment, every hard conversation, we are outsourcing the very experiences that make us stronger, more capable, and more human.

• Maintain the ability to tolerate difficult conversations

AI is too agreeable. Ask ChatGPT a question, and it will give you an answer that sounds confident, helpful, and tailored to you. It won't push back, won't challenge you, and it likely won’t tell you you're wrong.

Humans grow through friction, refine thinking through debate, and develop intellectual humility by being wrong and learning from it. When AI only agrees with us (or presents information in ways that confirm what we already believe), we can stop questioning ourselves. We stop considering alternative perspectives and can become intellectually lazy.
In real life, people disagree with you, challenge your ideas, and see things differently. And the benefits of this include helping develop alternative ways of thinking, building emotional resilience, teaching you to hold your views loosely, and reminding you that your perspective isn't the only one.

• Preserve human connection

Humans are wired for connection, not efficiency and not optimization. We need eye contact, tone of voice, and the messy, imperfect, unpredictable nature of human interaction. AI is increasingly being used to replace these interactions.

The slippery slope can start small. AI writes your text messages so you don't have to think about what to say, drafts birthday messages to friends, suggests responses to your partner's texts, and becomes the first place you go when you need to process emotions. Before you know it, intimacy is being outsourced. What we can lose from this includes:

• Tuning in to emotions: The ability to read and respond to subtle emotional cues
• Vulnerability: The courage to show up imperfectly and be truly seen
• Reciprocity: The give-and-take that builds deep relationships
• Presence: The skill of being fully with another person

AI can simulate conversation, but it cannot replace connection. Study after study shows that loneliness and social isolation are at epidemic levels. We can feel more "connected" than ever (digitally) and lonelier than ever (emotionally).

• Use tools that align with your values

Every AI tool is built by people with biases, values, and agendas. When you ask AI for advice, recommendations, or solutions, you're not getting objective truth. You're getting answers shaped by the values of the people who built it. When AI suggests how you should spend your time, what does it prioritise? Productivity? Revenue? Engagement? When AI recommends what you should do in a difficult situation, what framework is it using? Efficiency? Risk minimisation? Conflict avoidance?

If you're not paying attention, you might find yourself living according to someone else's priorities without even realizing it. When you outsource decision-making to AI without filtering it through your own values, you may lose autonomy, integrity, and identity. Over time, this creates a values drift. You're living someone else's version of a good life, not your own.
 
In summary, AI is a tool and use it well, and it supports your well-being. Use it poorly, and it undermines the very things that make life meaningful: growth, connection, autonomy, and values.

Use AI to support the life you want to live, not to avoid living it.

Co-authored by Alexis Kliem (registered psychologist) and Claude 😊
Photo by Carl Heyerdahl on Unsplash

"You have to love yourself first."

It's plastered across media and self-help books. It's the answer everyone gives when you're struggling with relationships. What if there's something more achievable, sustainable, and authentic than forcing yourself to "love" every part of who you are? Introducing: self-acceptance.
 
The Challenges with trying to achieve Self-Love

The idea of self-love sounds beautiful. Looking in the mirror and feeling nothing but warmth and adoration for yourself? Lovely. But for most people, it's also unrealistic. Here's why the mission towards self-love can backfire:

It sets an extremely high bar. When you're struggling with anxiety, depression, past trauma, or just being human, telling yourself you need to love yourself feels like another thing you're failing at.

It feels fake. If you genuinely dislike parts of yourself right now, trying to force love feels dishonest. And your brain knows it. You can't think your way into loving yourself by repeating affirmations you don't believe.

It adds pressure. Now you're not just dealing with your struggles, you're also supposed to feel good about yourself while doing it. It becomes one more expectation you can't meet.
 

Why Self-Acceptance Can be More Helpful

Self-acceptance isn't about loving everything about yourself. Instead, it's about acknowledging reality without needing to change it, fix it, or feel good about it.

Self-acceptance says:

• "This is who I am right now."
• "I have flaws, and that's okay."
• "I don't have to be perfect to deserve kindness."
• "I can work on myself without hating who I am today."

It's neutral, it's honest, and it’s achievable.

1. It's grounded in reality

Self-acceptance isn’t about faking it. You don't have to pretend to love your anxiety, your mistakes, or the parts of yourself you're still figuring out. Instead, it’s about stopping the fight against the fact that they exist.

2. It reduces shame

Shame thrives when we believe we should be different than we are. Self-acceptance works on removing that "should."

3. It creates space for growth

When you stop the mission to “love yourself”, you can create more capacity to work on self-growth. You can do this from a place of curiosity, rather than self-hatred.

4. It's kinder

Self-acceptance is compassionate without being performative. You don't have to hype yourself up or convince yourself you're amazing. Instead, it is practicing treating yourself like a human being who's doing their best.
 
What Self-Acceptance Looks Like in Practice

Instead of: "I love my body exactly as it is!" (when you don't) Try: "This is my body. It's not perfect, but it's mine, and it can carry me through my life."

Instead of: "I'm amazing and have no flaws!" Try: "I'm flawed and that's part of being human"

Instead of: "I should love myself more." Try: "I don't have to love myself. Instead I’m working on stopping being cruel to myself."
 
You don't have to love yourself to be okay.

You don't have to love yourself to deserve respect, care, rest, or kindness. You don't have to love yourself to grow or build a life that feels meaningful. You just have practice the process of accepting yourself, flaws and all. That's it. And honestly? That's hard enough.
 
How to start?

• Notice when you're being harsh with yourself. Just notice.
• Practice saying, "I’m finding this hard but I'm doing my best."
• Treat yourself the way you'd treat a friend. With honesty, kindness, and support, not cruelty.

​Self-acceptance won't make all your problems disappear. But it might stop you from being your own biggest critic. And that is where real and meaningful change can happen.
 
Co-authors: Alexis Kliem and Claud 😊
Photo by Oleg Illarionov on Unsplash